Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle

I performed Standup at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle with success!   

This place is cool. The comedians are usually lurking about nervously beforehand in the foyer, scribbling gibberish and cackling.  Or they're quietly contemplating rudimentary quantum physics and how to get another free booze.  Maybe a stray fan?  

Meeting these people is one of the best parts- people striving to make laughter, share thought, earn a hefty "good job." They've already had so many stories to tell, success and losses that are all: sad, hilarious, and grand.

I prefer working on projects with people, collaborating but this is cool. This is teamwork. Everyone plays their own specific part, each works their own way to make the best of the night.  If everyone plays it right, everyone has that good time.  If something doesn't go completely right with the audience, as long as you don't piss too many people off with what you're doing, your peers will/can help pick you up: celebrate the doing, the process. 

My set involved: 

• Car Crashes
• Neck Problems of the Third Kind
• Wifeliness 
• Kittens and politics
  

A neat thing, the wall behind the stage is completely written on with loving, hopeful, or desperate missives. "I was here, this night of nights, washed in the ether of creative juice-stuff- I did it, way to go awesome, awesome me."  I'm not saying that that's what I wrote because it isn't, mine was much more eloquent and had the word butt in it.  (Actually, I didn't write on the wall but now feel very obligated to write the word butt all over that wall)

Another neat thing: there's a door with a peephole in the green room to spy on the audience.  

Another neater thing: no, I forgot, I can't talk about that. Never mind. (aliens)

Was I nervous? Yes. Timing things is rough.  Remembering things difficult. But these are good things.  Sometimes this is what helps endear the audience to you, letting them know you are human no matter how outrageous and weird your content may be.  Really we're all just trying to get to know ourselves, sharing our vulnerabilities consciously or subconsciously helps.

Anyway, an after party involving people and things was certainly had. The next time will come soon. Stay Tuned!

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Sketch Shorts

Sketch Short!

Hello: 40sec.

Yeah, I know. It needs an establishing shot at the beginning.

More coming soon!

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Sketches

Businesses offer the darndest things.  Boy am I ready for some smelling!

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

Sketches this week:

1: Shirts that barely cover your big fat torso and the people that wear them. (presented by the shopping channel)

•  Hello, I'm your host.  Today's questions are the same: Who are you and what are you wearing today.
•  imagine characters similar to the Robe Lowe portray in DirectTV commercials, random people with big bellies
• I'm hottttttt.  (lady in a plaid mink fur and rubber boots)
• I'm not fat I'm pregnant. "You're also a 50 year old man" Don't judge me. "Our mistake, you are clearly a gift of science or some other sort of witch craft."

2: Woman on a date: Feedback edition 

• Woman comes back from a date that she secretly tape for her friends to watch and give her feedback on.
• A "he said this but actually meant this" and "while he said this he was doing this" which probably means he's probably hoping to get with your sister.  "Yeah never bring up that you have dumb but hotter sisters on the first date"

3: The Returning  

• Veteran decides it's time to returning body parts (eyes, ears) to the deceased person's family he/she took from a war, battle, catfight (y'know whatever)

• Therapist said I probably shouldn’t keep them
• I just kinda had them hanging around, sometimes as jewelry.

4: Hecklers Club

• Club for hecklers prepping to heckle comedians (good tie in for Kyle Mooney's character) 

5: Exercising with Demons

• Person signs up for the wrong exercise class.
• Now eat the soul of the demon next to you. "Hold up, wait"

Possible Sketch/Monologue for: Dakota Johnson

1. Song: Oh My - imagined from George Takei's reading of Fifty Shades of Grey

A phone sex operator Jilla played by Dakota Johnson, if possible- George Takei as the caller John. (Jilla's actions are filmed with a hint of eroticism)

Chorus of men sensuously ask:
What did you do today?  Walk me through your day.

Jilla: I woke out of bed.

John: Oh my, oh my.

Jilla: I brushed my teeeeeeeth

John: Oh my, oh my.

Jilla: I took a big dump

John: Oh my, oh my.
Jilla: I did a lot of dirty, dirty things today

Chorus of men sensuously ask:
What did you do today?  Walk me through your day.

2. Monologue 

• From IMDB is mentions her the Three things she always carries in her purse: keys, chap-stick, and candy. That has infinite possibilities but it probably means she's a spy.

View last sketch ideas

Since you're here, 

please check this 40sec sketch comedy short I filmed.

Yeah, I know. It needs an establishing shot at the beginning.

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Horoscopes for the Week

Capricorn

The stars have aligned themselves into some graphic and horribly obscene constellations, you may not want to go outside at night.

Aquarius

It’s time to step out of the murky depths and creepy shadows and accept the accolades of being a “Front Stabber”

Pisces

Soon you may be in need of a mighty wizard, definitely make sure the wizard is mighty but also that the wizard is a  bartender giving away free drinks that will totally get you blasted.

Aries

You probably shouldn't refer to people as delicious sacks of meat

Taurus

You’ll probably be okay doing things with your boyfriend’s moose on a semi-regular basis, just remember to keep things casual at first.

Gemini

It’s time you got out of that crappy rectum testing facility and got a job at a more respectable dump.

Cancer

Looks like that blood ritual paid off, romance is in the air tonight

Leo

This week you may be the apple of someone’s eye just not the best parts

Virgo

A stranger will ask you to tell them a bunch of personal things, if you don’t tell them your astrology sign, they will say, “You Virgot to tell me” and run away screaming obscenities. Use this power wisely.

Libra

Everyone’s tired of hearing about that wicked awesome story about you being stuck under a dead bear and having to eat it from the face down and drink its blood to stay alive, for real.

Scorpio

If you start questioning everyone around you, eventually you’ll find out who your real father is.

Sagittarius

Stay away from burning buildings and other things you could set fire to.

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Sketches

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

Sketches this week:

1: Dieting Commercial or Cafeteria scene:

• Woman talking about needing to eat less you need to see less. The lunch area only has one portion in each dish and is replaced when she leaves.  Chooses to have only a half of a pea. Another woman goes up and chooses a breaded chicken where the lunch lady offers to cut the portion wanted and judges her for wanting more. 
• This much? This much? Oh you want the whole breaded chicken...
• Etc. 

2: Interview with Michelle Obama over food program-   

• Now let's talk about health, how many oyster crackers should be on a child's plate? 
• Three. One should be crushed and tossed on top of the other two to act as a bread-crumb accoutrement.  (so it's almost two starches)
• Etc.

3: Game Show: Go Balls-in or Get Butt-Hurt About it:   

• Okay contestants, here you will given scenarios and have to choose whether to go balls-in or get butt-hurt about it.

4: What's Trending with Dan and Daisy Dunright.

• (trending for women, trending for me)  
• Follow Dan down the Videohole- A mother of five vomiting on a dolphin: I spent like five hours thinking about it after. Cop saves waffle being murdered by a panda. 

• Follow Daisy- a firefighting dog saved an adorable kitten from a nasty kitchen fire, Sheila lied about being pregnant but loves to smell her own farts, etc.

Possible Sketch/Monologue for: Bradley Cooper

• People just wanting him to do his Rocket character (from Galaxy of the Guardians)

• American Sniper - lining up a shot with an annoying person nearby: crinkling bubble wrap, straw slurp, taking a dump with the wind going in that direction. Possibly played by Zach Galifinakis.

• Director asking him to play a really mentally disturbed character I mean, I've seen you do Silvelinings Playbook and American Sniper but I'm gonna need you to dig deeper.  Here's some inspiration: you were twelve had no friends but you had a Talking Teddy Ruxpin doll but it didn't work quite right and sometimes it talked slow with a boinko eye and its words would slur together and tell you about deep, dark disgusting things void of magical adventures. It also had a greasy mustache and always asked to lick your hand. This was your best friend, teaching you otherworldly horrible things while you tried to get your life back together from being born with a pre-natal addiction to cocaine because of all the drugs your coked out mom used during the pregnancy. Oh, but you're happy and like walruses, try to incorporate that somehow.  
• that was oddly specific
• does that help?  
• not at all
• well then try to do the exact opposite of that
• and what the hell would the exact opposite of that be? A Trix bunny jerking off in a corner? That's just friggin weirdo stuff man.
• (or some other media friendlier version)

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Sketches

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

Sketches this week:

1: GoKarting in the office (pre-filmed):

• a complex shoot with at least 7 ppl in gokarts in an office. Not participating: An office manager (Mr. Ben Diggles) and Shelaylay event planner extraordinaire. Starts off with close ups of GoKart riders faces, dramatic music. Some of you have been working hard. Harder than hard. Some people quit, some people died, some people watched their families get up and leave on them, but you've stuck around. You've made it. And wide shot, everyone in gokarts.  Anywho... gokart race- each of the seven race cheap, hard, and awesomely.  Maybe one person's about to win but the boss (Mr. Ben Diggles) shadily poors out a flask of booze onto the "track" (with Shelaylay giving an approving nod) and that gokart goes flying off.   

• it'd be funny if Event Planner Extraordinaire was Shelaylay's last name and she actually works in the sanitation department but when the boss asks you to put together a hella' office party to keep your job you gotta do what you gotta do..  

2: SNL: During the blizzard of 2015 (spoof documentary-   

•  During the blizzared of 2015 Lorne Michaels put the cast up in a ritzy hotel to stay safe.  This is the dramatic footage. (spoof documentary) too racy for SNL but "he put them all up in only two rooms" instead of female / male, it's black and white. wah wah.  

• prank calls

3: Monsters:   

• talking about their fiscal holdings (maybe 401k accounts)

Sketches for the Host this Week:

A bit late on the take this week so I didn't bother with sketches for this week's host and there won't be a show for a while because of the 40th anniversary... so I'm just going to make up a list of possibly hosts if the season continues and write sketches for a few of them in the future (unless new hosts are announced):

Rob Corrdry
Emily Watson, Emma Watson
Julianne Moore
A Rapper (choose a rapper)
Will Ferrel
Rihanna
Bradley Cooper
Kevin James

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Sketch

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

Sketches this week:

1: Mountain Climbing

• Person mountain climbing finds a salesperson standing on a ledge with random supplies.  Can I have some popcorn?  Yes, you may have all of those thing. Shit I just dropped my wallet. But the guy catches it and throws it back at it. Misses it again. People higher up are dropping down.  

2: Master Chef Junior (with one Thirty Year old) Parody-  (judges don't recognize thirty year old as an adult)

• a thirty year old is in the top four in the Master Junior Chef challenge. His testimonials about the other contestants worsen: I hate that kid.  Kid: I'm pretty sure he's like 45. Kid2: I don't think he knows how to cook (man looking at stove, curiously) and he smells poopy. 
• Judge: a signature move- calling a five star restaurant and bringing in a full course meal.  Everyone's gotta strategy.  Judge 2: I really think that gives this guy a competitive advantage
• Final: And you say you're 30. 30, wow. He's only thirty years old, yet this dish looks like it's been created by a gifted, talented 12 year old chef working at one of my premier restaurants, well done. Fantastic job.

3: Robert Downeys- 

• A drug. Selling drugs- Had too much cocaine, caffeine, speed? Sure, you could try Ritalin by I recommend Downeys. 
• See also: Need to be healthy ladies, the one mineral women don’t have enough of and I recommend taking is Iron, Man.

4: Creepy Enchanted Woods.

• Half-human creatures taunting man to come into their enchanted woods and "party". "Nothing about this enchanted woods is haunted or creepy" "yeah, you come in here most of your organs will remain intact, unlike those other darker woods" 

5:  Jannay- Life Coach / Relationship Expert

• Usual advice to women: Get yourself a damn boyfriend. Follow up: How to train your boyfriend 2.
  

Host: Blake Shelton
I like to come up with one or two sketch ideas for the host

• Something to do with his Supportive American Sniper Comments

• Jesus on customer support

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