Sketches

Businesses offer the darndest things.  Boy am I ready for some smelling!

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

Sketches this week:

1: Shirts that barely cover your big fat torso and the people that wear them. (presented by the shopping channel)

•  Hello, I'm your host.  Today's questions are the same: Who are you and what are you wearing today.
•  imagine characters similar to the Robe Lowe portray in DirectTV commercials, random people with big bellies
• I'm hottttttt.  (lady in a plaid mink fur and rubber boots)
• I'm not fat I'm pregnant. "You're also a 50 year old man" Don't judge me. "Our mistake, you are clearly a gift of science or some other sort of witch craft."

2: Woman on a date: Feedback edition 

• Woman comes back from a date that she secretly tape for her friends to watch and give her feedback on.
• A "he said this but actually meant this" and "while he said this he was doing this" which probably means he's probably hoping to get with your sister.  "Yeah never bring up that you have dumb but hotter sisters on the first date"

3: The Returning  

• Veteran decides it's time to returning body parts (eyes, ears) to the deceased person's family he/she took from a war, battle, catfight (y'know whatever)

• Therapist said I probably shouldn’t keep them
• I just kinda had them hanging around, sometimes as jewelry.

4: Hecklers Club

• Club for hecklers prepping to heckle comedians (good tie in for Kyle Mooney's character) 

5: Exercising with Demons

• Person signs up for the wrong exercise class.
• Now eat the soul of the demon next to you. "Hold up, wait"

Possible Sketch/Monologue for: Dakota Johnson

1. Song: Oh My - imagined from George Takei's reading of Fifty Shades of Grey

A phone sex operator Jilla played by Dakota Johnson, if possible- George Takei as the caller John. (Jilla's actions are filmed with a hint of eroticism)

Chorus of men sensuously ask:
What did you do today?  Walk me through your day.

Jilla: I woke out of bed.

John: Oh my, oh my.

Jilla: I brushed my teeeeeeeth

John: Oh my, oh my.

Jilla: I took a big dump

John: Oh my, oh my.
Jilla: I did a lot of dirty, dirty things today

Chorus of men sensuously ask:
What did you do today?  Walk me through your day.

2. Monologue 

• From IMDB is mentions her the Three things she always carries in her purse: keys, chap-stick, and candy. That has infinite possibilities but it probably means she's a spy.

View last sketch ideas

Since you're here, 

please check this 40sec sketch comedy short I filmed.

Yeah, I know. It needs an establishing shot at the beginning.