Sketch ideas

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

1: Grown women playing dolls (taken way too seriously, possibly making boyfriends/husbands play)

2: Advice from a pissed off woman: “Clean up after yourself” (maybe a weekend update character)

3: Dead Bird Society

4: (Drunk) Mermaid in the Fountain  

5: Another Episode of the Minimum Wage Worker

6: Things Dudes Smash on Their Heads Contest

7a: Friendly Neighborhood Pharmacist  - offers whatever drugs possible, good or bad, gives booze away freely- but Billy, only take them with pills if you're serious.  Thanks man!

7b: Friendly, Neighborhood, Sexually Active Pharmacist - You don't have to tell me that. As your pharmacist I'm required to tell you this by law.

8: Super Adult Bookstore: not in the direction where I wanted to go but my mind envisioned dirty magazine covers folding over books like Plato's Republic because they're not allowed. Or in essence, intellectual masturbation.

I try to come up with 2-3 sketches for the coming host of SNL but as the season's closed... I'll choose someone I'd like to host the show:

Weird Al Yankovic 

Good reason to have Andy Samberg guest appear as a younger version (impersonated him a while ago).

• on that note: Visiting the past thing. Sketch starts off with Weird Al looking like a strict lawyer (maybe talking to someone in particular).  Let me tell you a story. A story filled with a truthiness that cannot be denied and has henceforth changed my life. There was a time, perhaps in a different dimension where I was once- Weird.  
• Weird Al of the present finds a time machine and goes to the past to tell his younger self about his wld success singing about his bologna like a surgeon in an Amish paradise while partying with the CIA in the closet made of foil. 
• That chance encounter changed my life and now I... blahblahblah- 
• is that true?
• NOT!

• Teacher extraordinaire.  Food art teacher for the kids. 
• "You've heard of balloon animals, try ballpark hotdog creatures."
• Parent testimonial: "he's a genius".  
• My toddler's playing with french fries at a fourth grade level. 

• Patio Party with kiddie pool and miniature tofu weenies on the grill 

Also, If ye just happen to be from SNL or some other paying entertainment entity and want to hire me or the like, please e-mail me, Jon Desjardins, at LifeintheJon1 @ gmail .com (no spaces)

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Top photo by charmaineswart