Sketch Ideas

 

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. Some of the ideas will range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for an SNL audience but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

• People trying to get out of Jury Duty.  All right, let's hear some excuses.  And none of that reverse psychology "I want to be here so bad that you'll probably kick me out" stuff.
• My Grandma's dying. 
• Oh yeah what does she look like naked?
•  Uh, I don't know
• You're lying, get on the bench
• No wait, wrinkly she looked wrinkly!
• Too late buddy - next!

• Man comes home to a series of While You Were Out Notes. Each getting progressively worse / reproving of things he's done.

• Stay tuned for another episode of "Living with Less." 
• Either: person who clearly has money offering tips to people who don't
• if you can't afford this high-priced oven, I often see my fellow humans down by the dump using these large round metal bins to use for warming themselves or cooking.
• if you're not management like my worthless cousin Brunetta, your pension was probably cut and can no longer afford anything involving your house, children or the future. But luckily Brunetta is a drunk and why is that luck? Because I read in an article that  that you can make a house out of beer bottles.
• Or: a poor person teaching poor people to live with less.  Well hey, you can easily tear a kleenex in two pieces.  Stealing toilet paper from public facilities is a god given right.  (maybe too low brow)

I try to come up with 2-3 sketches for the coming host of SNL but as the season's closed... I'll choose someone I'd like to host the show:

Alison Brie 

• Toto All Grown Up. A heavy reimagining of Wizard of Oz trailer where Toto has to save Oz. Catchphrase to the lion: "you may have found courage but you still don't have any balls" (call back to one of her first roles being Toto)

• Medieval Pickle Saleswoman Trainer/Trainee.  One woman's teaching another how to sell pickles.  

• What did I teach you?

• to something something

• That's right... go out there and sell some pickles

• O...kay. (horribly sells pickles)

• No no no, it's like this, heya jerk, buy this pickle...

• I am the earth mother moonbeam. Or mother nature. Other characters are animals talking to her.  She lovingly yet rules over them yet occasionally exacts harsh verdicts upon those that do not get along well. A handsome dude shows up and she is smitten or, really, it's the unicorn behind him. Makes out with the unicorn instead.

• Mental patient related. Maybe having to out-crazy someone else. Like there are a bunch of people in an insane asylum and one person's the craziest. Until she showed up.  Stay back... all of you because I'mmmmm crazy. oh yeah? just how crazy? (nice chance to have Dan Akroyd and Steve Martin appear as the Czech brothers randomly dancing in the background as wild and crazy guys)

Also, If ye just happen to be from SNL or some other paying entertainment entity and want to hire me or the like, please e-mail me, Jon Desjardins, at LifeintheJon1 @ gmail .com (no spaces)

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Top photo by puravida