Sketches

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

•  Sex slang readings from the urban dictionary 

•  Chopped- I really hate this panel of judges and want to see them suffer. Your ingredients are mud, bugs and worms.

• Justin Bieber's Man-Fan Club- getting together to discuss new events, do the Justin Bieber dance, etc. Motto: "No one must know"

• Commercial- Extravagant Toast. Cinematically shot, cast in extravagant, debonair regalia eating toast.

• Woman Leaving "Subtle" hints boyfriend should propose

I try to come up with 2-3 sketches for the coming host of SNL:

Sarah Silverman

• Opening Monologue- walks onstage with a bag. puts it down. also has emmy on a necklace. I was just going to stuff this in my pocket but I didn't want anyone to get jealous.  Besides, since getting the award it's been in enough dirty places. I was talking to Lorne about winning and asked him you know, if I could see all of the awards this show has won. Yeah did you know SNL has won 36? Anyway, my washer and dryer are broken and since they called me out here, I figured I'd get some wash done. We have a great show... (someone comes on stage with a bag) Um.. Sarah, I finished washing everything in your bag, um... the thongs um other things.  For Christ sakes, grow a pair and just say dildos and ballgags. You didn't throw the lube in there did you?  That's my special, magical easy-time orgasm-making juice. Um. No, I was afraid to. Yeah, that makes sense. One day you'll grow up to be a big boy and use them on your mommy. Alright, so anyway put it over there and get the heck off my stage! Uh ok, just one question.  If this is your bag of dildos, what's in that bag? This bag? (clank) oopsie.

• The writer- one of two scenarios- 
•  Sarah Silverman is at her desk working through the end of her story, where it gets steamier and steamier (and fouler and fouler).

• Or She's an editor and has called in the author to discuss some possible changes to punch up the book.  Some of which contradict the plot and are fairly gratuitous.

• Ghostbusters Audition:
• with news of an all-female Ghostbusters cast, Sarah gives it a shot along with rest of SNL female cast. 
• Possible characters:
• Meet Sprinkles: Misunderstood, former TA at MIT with a hip hop 'tude
• Meet Jana: really just found the old Ghostbusters place broke down and thought she could make a few bucks off the place.   
• Meet Kate or Irene (after Irene Curie Joilot): daughter to one of the original Ghostbusters. Studies the occult. Looking for a way to reconnect with her recently deceased father and... zap an ex-boyfriend ghost.  First person to bug Jana to join. "I'm the one that knows the most about this crap."
•  so what do you know about this ghost?
•  Meet Dorothy (after Dorothy Hodgkins): Molecular biologist.

•  if we were actually making premise for a film: a guy has been misusing Egon's spectral theories. Fascinated with ghosts, he is beginning to unravel the mysteries between incorporeal and corporeal forms.  Part of this process is turning humans into ghosts. Craigslist ad: would you like to be turned into a ghost?  This leads to an increase in new ghost activity.  We also learn that ghosts are the plankton of the nether-realm and where large numbers start to swell other creatures start to mind.

Also, If ye just happen to be from SNL or some other paying entertainment entity and want to hire me or the like, please e-mail me, Jon Desjardins, at LifeintheJon1 @ gmail .com (no spaces)

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