Sketch Ideas

Preface: Wanting to write for SNL or some paid sketch comedy gig, every week I'll post 5-10 sketch ideas to keep the mind going.  Think of these as pitches.  By next week I'll hopefully have completely written one or two. The ideas range from G-rating to R and may not be suitable for SNL audiences but still... this is practice in being productive/proficient. 

• I used to have problems but Siri really does take care of everything-
• gives me advice on everything
• you should dump his ass
• helps me get me drank on
• just pour some alcoholic shit in a glass
• There's a demon behind my couch!
• break a glass, grab a piece and threaten to cut his ass
•  Could I make decisions without it? n-
• no
• Butterfly Garden Master
• Let's Watch "The Meow Meow People" 
• A tribe of human cat people found in the jungles of Peru who recently moved their habitat to Kate’s Kitty Corner House to acclimate to the new world.
• Kate: they are so different from real cats, but they're just as cute.
• Outrageous Orange! –It’s ORANGE!
• Commercial: I can’t believe it’s insecticide!
• Game: Get to know your presidents
• Which one invaded Iraq
• How many golfing vacations
• loves tacos
• nobel peace prize
• owned slaves
• could fix his own garbage disposal on a cold, cloudy night
• Dude, I'm pretty sure you have the ebola
• nuh-uh.

I try to come up with 2-3 sketches for the coming host of SNL:

Bill Hader

• Opening monologue 1: Andy Samberg comes in onstage with a Bill Hader cardboard mask.  Bill Hader comes on stage just takes it the mask away and shakes his head. Another version: "Bill Hader" comes onstage in a full body suit that has a mask. You can't really tell who it is but you just think it's Bill. No. Bill comes out later, throwing off some ropes. Good try Samberg. 
• "You know Andy beat me, he was surely the first of the two of us to come back and host but you know the saying... first is the worst, second's the best."

• a person dressed as a skeleton comes up to Bill. Hey Bill! "hey new guy" You've got a new movie coming out right, Skeleton Twins.... "yep" Well I know I'm new and stuff but can I be in it, I dressed for the part and everything! I think it would be cool, so cool. "I'm sorry bud but that's already been filmed... it's going to be in theaters soon." Awe man. well, hey, hey how about putting me in the sequel. "No thanks, the movie doesn't have two real skeleton twins" It doesn't? Awe man. I had a cool name for the sequel too. "Oh yeah, what was that?" Skeleton Triplets? "Yeah, good try buddy. Good try."  

• I'm not one of those people that does big show numbers but I thought since this was my first time hosting, why not?  Second time, I'll take it easy and the third I might be completely boring just to amuse myself. 

•  The Future Five-Timers Club.

• Bill Hader's agent telling Bill that he's got another Andy Samberg impression gig. and he's like I don't do that anymore, I'm a dramatic actor now. "okay let's see you do something dramatic" -does an odd yet funny Shakespearean-esque monologue. "should I cancel that gig then, they said they'd pay you ten million dollars?" what are you insane! Of course I'll do it but only if... they throw in a bag of Doritos.

View last sketch ideas