Valentine's Day Pro-Tip for Next Year

Valentine's Day Pro-Tip for Next Year:

Prizes for Saying “I Love You” So Many Times

0-5 times- ritual disembowelment, unconscious body fed to homeless couple.

6-10 times-lover decides against stabbing your face.

11-25 times- drunken physical altercation / sleep on couch.

26-50 times- unflattering, naked photos of you on the toiler randomly appear on the internet / dead-stare.

51-100 times- a smile.

101-206 times- mediocre love letter, eskimo kisses

207-389times- minor nudity / above average cupping.

390-705 times- nod, shrug & standard “job.”

706-1503 times- major nudity, +1 possibility of "the sex."

1504-2114 times- possible decent gift / really happy oh-my-god-what-was-that naked time sex


2115- times- (choose 1 per 2115 times)- marriage, threesome, divorce, pony