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News Bits of "Humor"
Lab-bor-atory- Scientists have created another neutron double z demon using leftover flesh parts of bimbos and Nazis again. It broke out of its cage in search for others of its kind, to steal a soul, or find a way to enslave all of humanity with its rugged good looks and mind-powers just like last twenty-seven times. Scientists refused to comment.
Death in the Fantasy- The four young, plucky, oddly unique and lovable adventurers that had overcome their own hardships, grown to settle their differences, and learned to love one another died today on a horribly misguided quest given to them by their parents.
Dis-easing- A new disease called panty-raids seems to have taken local sexy and unsexy (but mostly sexy) women by storm. The disease was first diagnosed by a dubiously accredited, lecherous doctor. Panty-raids is a common disease most women have, it appears to have no symptoms other than the fact that their panties inexplicably disappear due to people, usually of the male/female variety between 13 and 86 years of age stealing them. In some instances the disease is communicable but hardly ever airborne. If you think this disease may pertain to you, see said lecherous doctor: he has a few suggestions.
Mad About Scientist- Local mad scientist unleashed the first monster made entirely out of hair clippings and toe nails. It took seventy kidnapped slaves/volunteers and 20 million dollars. Most of the funding came in the form of government grants supposedly earmarked for a much anticipated as of yet titled plan to destroy the universe. The monster is said to give over 25 unemployed local heroes a job for the holiday season which is a 30% increase from last year. The whole account will be televised in a 3 part hour-long-long miniseries and promises a spectacular finale that will blow your mind.
Headlines
Lab-bor-atory- Scientists have created another neutron double z demon using leftover flesh parts of bimbos and Nazis again. It broke out of its cage in search for others of its kind, to steal a soul, or find a way to enslave all of humanity with its rugged good looks and mind-powers just like last twenty-seven times. Scientists refused to comment.
Death in the Fantasy- The four young, plucky, oddly unique and lovable adventurers that had overcome their own hardships, grown to settle their differences, and learned to love one another died today on a horribly misguided quest given to them by their parents.
Dis-easing- A new disease called panty-raids seems to have taken local sexy and unsexy (but mostly sexy) women by storm. The disease was first diagnosed by a dubiously accredited, lecherous doctor. Panty-raids is a common disease most women have, it appears to have no symptoms other than the fact that their panties inexplicably disappear due to people, usually of the male/female variety between 13 and 86 years of age stealing them. In some instances the disease is communicable but hardly ever airborne. If you think this disease may pertain to you, see said lecherous doctor: he has a few suggestions.
Mad About Scientist- Local mad scientist unleashed the first monster made entirely out of hair clippings and toe nails. It took seventy kidnapped slaves/volunteers and 20 million dollars. Most of the funding came in the form of government grants supposedly earmarked for a much anticipated as of yet titled plan to destroy the universe. The monster is said to give over 25 unemployed local heroes a job for the holiday season which is a 30% increase from last year. The whole account will be televised in a 3 part hour-long-long miniseries and promises a spectacular finale that will blow your mind.
Headlines
- Pentagon to fly 300,000 strippers to Afghanistan to do what the army just won't do
- Other stuff is happening in other countries maybe
- Journalist to ask Obama where he gets his t-shirts
- Porcupine dresses in women's clothing
- Father Winter detained for illegally smuggling snowflakes into the country
- Peanut Butter and Jelly sex tape revealed
- U.S. Airlines to patent sky
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